The Commaytee

Who the hell invented the Commaytee? (not to be confused with Committee ) I want to know and I want to shake that mother's hand.

He or she was a genius if nothing else. This is how it works for those who don't know. Every week this woman comes round to your house and collects some dosh. It could be a Friday or a Saturday or even a Monday. We don't know the exact day but it is definitely one of seven.

Then 10 (or is it 50?) weeks later your number comes up and you get to collect all the money.
It's much like the lottery but you are guaranteed to win.

And it's your money so seeing people celebrate as if they have indeed won the lottery doesn't make sense either.This way you get to save the money and not spend it on stupid furniture.

The Commaytee has been flourishing in many different cultures and guises for many years so I was surprised that I hadn't heard of it before. Maybe, despite my Shalwaar and topee (hat) I ain't so cultured after all? Maybe, I don't know anything worth knowing. Maybe, I should call it quits and move to Dubai like everyone else.

Then suddenly I woke up and realised a great truth about this Commaytee thing. Now I ain't no Abdul Einstein but what's wrong with a ******* bank? Why don't you just put the money in the bank like everyone else? A bank won't screw you (although they do look shakey). A bank won't make snide remarks if it takes you twenty minutes to pay your share.

I'm sure the taxman comes into this somewhere but I don't know where?

There have also been occasions where commaytees have caused great disagreements between people. Like the time when one son of a gun ran off with the lot. Man...that was brave. Where the hell was this bloke going to go? Pakistan?

And what happens if you can't pay the commaytee for some reason? Oh no we couldn't have that. The precious commaytee gets paid and if that means the family go without then so be it. And why on earth is the Commaytee a woman thing? Who decided that it was okay to give wads of cash to a woman ?

So as not to offend all the Members of Parliament who love the Commaytee more than anything else I will leave you with a sobering thought.

Through wind, rain or snow I will pay my Commaytee.

And when it comes up I'm moving to Pindiee.