Shoes off or shoes on?

We need rules and we need them now. Either we take the shoes off or we leave them on. Which is it? We are not mind readers my dearest friends. We need guidelines and we need them pronto!

It is no longer as simple as it used to be. I went to a house and I took the shoes off and it was as simple as that. If I didn’t everyone looked at me funny as if to say...Look, you smelly son of a ****** take your shoes off in my house.

Sometimes you took your shoes off outside and carried them in. Nowadays it is cooler to leave the shoes on. People don’t care anymore. It’s all about being modern and fitting in with the neighbours.

Nobody has that plastic sheet in the hallway anymore and the B & Q shoe rack is always empty. In my house they all took the shoes off. I know a guy who got married and then the rules changed. Now he takes his shoes off but only if he is coming to eat. The rest of the time he goes it is a a no-holds barred, free for all with every man, woman and child for himself.

Anyway sometimes you would take the shoes off and then wished you hadn’t when you looked at the state of the carpet. Hey what the hell are we taking our shoes off for this guys carpet is already full of mess!

What is one to do if the host insists you keep your shoes on because you are a guest. And then when you’ve sat down you realise this person is super clean and the beige carpet brand new?  Hang your head in shame that’s what!

Sometimes the host makes you take your shoes off but then leaves his own shoes on. Strange but complex issues require answers but no-one is prepared to put their money where their mouth is and conduct some proper research.

Or someone comes to your house who’s feet stink. Are we permitted to ask him to keep his shoes on while everyone else is told to take them off? I don’t have the answer, do you?

And what’s the deal with the brothers who not only take the shoes off but also their socks. You’ll want a shower next? I am becoming extremely annoyed with this lot. Having made themselves comfortable on your floor they then set about picking bits of skin off the soles of their feet and tossing them in every direction.

The popularity of laminate flooring has also confused many locals. What are we to do?

Laminate flooring isn’t going to get dirty. That’s why it’s laminate flooring. So why should we be forced to take our shoes off?

Maybe the rule should be scrapped altogether.

That'll teach 'em.