What Grades Shades

'Oh Nakamay (an insult only parents are allowed to say to their kids)...you didn't even get a C'. And that was last year...this time round I'm going to make sure I get at least one.

Exam time is a killer I hate the waiting and I hate those who always get better grades than I do.

It's different nowadays I'm told. There used to be a time when you could rush home on results day and tell your dad you passed everything...he didn't know any better. "Hey my puttar got seven E's...he's a clever lad you know....he's excellent at everything!' And if my sister got six A's...nothing...not a single methai dubha in sight.

It would be impossible to do that now...my mum knows when I'm lying. Every time I see my papa taking his slippers off I get the feeling he already knows something.....those slippers are getting harder by the year. The new Bata Jhutee leaves an imprint these days.

I need to hide that snooker cue too....otherwise it'll be like being at mosque again.

I try to revise but my boys won't leave me alone. The strange thing is some of them are even proud to be ignorant.

I got one friend who always bumming around in town....he's got some mates who drive this motor and I never see them at the library. He wants to be a Doctor...well that's what his dad said to mine last month...good luck bro.

My revision timetable is up on the wall...unfortunately I can't keep to it because I have to keep doing these stupid errands for my mum. I've been to town eight times in the last week.

And can I please urge all of you mums and dads to stop organising weddings at this time of year. Don't you understand anything...the whole event can drag on for weeks.

Why do the TV companies always put on so much high quality programmes at this time of year? It's a conspiracy I tell you, plain and simple - to stop the masses from getting any grades.

I hate my uncle Jamal (not his name - I don't wanna get done for defamation) and his perfect kids....all at university. I hate getting compared to them all the time...I'll show them whose boss.

They all tell me it's for my own good and I need to revise....and deep down I know it's true but maybe I can quickly find some excuses to cover my ass.

I know!... the exam questions were racist...no my parents were too culturally minded so they wouldn't have let me go to university anyway...no the CIA marked my paper...no I was in love and I couldn't concentrate. Maybe I'll get by on my looks...then again no.

This is hopeless I really need to get some work done otherwise I know I'm going to regret it...the pressure is mounting and the day of reckoning approaches.

(Note: I have grown up and this article is a recollection of my past experiences, thank god for that)