Don't take it for granted

We should treat the air around us better.... (a serious article for a change)

The average adult at least inhales and exhales something like 7 or 8 litres of air per minute. That totals something like 11,000 litres of air per day. The air that is inhaled is about 20-percent oxygen and the air that is exhaled is about 15-percent oxygen. As a result, a human being uses about 550 litres of pure oxygen per day (5% of the air he/she breathes)

Now if you look at the price of Oxygen in the UK (Click Here for cheapest I could find in the UK) then you  can see that if we had to pay for it then it would cost us around £250.00 a day, that's £91,250 (Exc VAT) a year. If we were paying the 60% duty and VAT (same as petrol) on that then we would be paying £175,200 per year.

Based on my Islamic beliefs, it makes you realise that “Allah Ka Shukar Ada Karna Chaheya” (Be thankful to God).

Indian at an Interview - Joke

An Office Manager at ASDA was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of CVs he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and an Indian.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, 

"What is the fastest thing you know?"

Shaun, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT - It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

"Hmm.... let me see. A BLINK - It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, Turning on A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Patel, the Indian, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, (in his Gujrati accent!) "Apter herring da tree prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel. "You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"

Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at ASDA in Washington.

(Not my own joke but funny)

I love Citizen Khan, becasue it is true

Citizen Khan and his (typical) Asian family

On Monday night, I laughed out loud as I watched the first episode of BBC1’s new comedy series Citizen Khan, about a Muslim community leader and his family.

As someone who knows a lot of people with the surname Khan — and as a British Muslim who grew up in Blackburn’s Asian community in the nineties — if anyone was going to be offended by the mickey-taking, surely it would be me.

But no, I loved the sitcom and facebooked my congratulations to its creator and star, Adil Ray, as soon as it finished.

At last, I thought, a home-grown sitcom that allowed British Muslims to laugh at themselves. Good on the BBC for finally getting the balls and realising the comic potential in one of the biggest communities that make up modern Britain. Of course, it’s a shame it took the Beeb 40 years, but it got there eventually.

However, the next day I discovered that my views ran counteract to many, who criticised the programme for ridiculing Islam and for containing ‘stereotypes about Asians’. The Twittersphere positively boiled with righteous, religious indignation.

The comedy is billed as a humorous take on the lives of an ordinary Muslim family living in today’s Britain. However, critics claim it stereotypes Muslims and is ‘disrespectful to the Koran’.

Oh, please! Never mind that the programme attracted an audience of almost 3.5 million in a late-night slot — the  only thing that some people want to talk about are the  cliches, the stereotypes and the insults.

This is most odd, I thought, because I don’t remember the Irish getting so hot and bothered by the TV sitcom Father Ted, which is full of Irish stereotypes.

A certain scene in Citizen Khan seems to have caused particular offence. It was when Mr Khan — the sort of splendidly self-important community leader I recognised instantly — came home, and his glamorous daughter pulled on her headscarf to hide her fully made-up face and started to read the Koran.

Among those who complained, many accused the show’s British Muslim creator of insulting the Koran and demeaning the hijab (the headscarf) and what it stands for.

But that’s nonsense. Asian girls like this can be found in any big and small cities in Britain. I see them every time I go shopping — gorgeous-looking girls peering out from under their casually draped headscarves.

I grew up with many such girls, too. And ironically, these girls were the clever ones — these girls were the smart cookies who realised that life would be easier if they just combined a little Muslim modesty with their otherwise fairly Western lifestyles.

Such girls realised that as long as their father saw them going through the dutiful motions, he would be happy that they had remained loyal to their family traditions. It was this understanding that made the scene so funny. It was so true to real life.

As an Indian Muslim based in Blackburn UK, I am defending the show as being an honest portrayal of our community, especially the characteristics of the first and second generation Asian people depicted within the sitcom.

Some people are complaining that it stereotypes them and is offensive to our faith. I totally disagree with that, as stereotypes only arise when majority of the people are actually doing this in real life.

We know many girls in the UK  who are scared of their orthodox and totally Asian cultured parents but want to live a westernised life do exactly the same thing with her hijabs now. Shouldn’t those complaining be trying to reduce this from really happening and explaining to all (not just those attending the mosque) the values of wearing the hijab.

Many children can be seen walking away from the mosque with westernised bags with the Koran just swinging around.  Shouldn’t those complaining be trying to reduce this from really happening? And, by the way, when was the last time you picked up a Koran and read what it says? Parents need to explain to their kids that the Koran should be held to the chest and not be seen like all other books.

If these and many issues are addressed then sitcoms like Citizen Khan won’t be able to stereotype them. 

In my opinion this show has little to do with Muslims and more to do with the 1st and 2nd Generation Sub Asian Culture (the one I enjoy laughing at). It’s good to see that the country I am proud to be a part of is now showing programmes that depict the true multi-cultural and multi-faith society. The people who are attacking Citizen Khan should not be attacking the TV programme itself (as surely they used a different book and not the Koran), but should really be looking at how to stop these sort of actions really happening by educating their children and themselves values such as; living a proper Islamic life that mixes with western society, understanding that Muslims are not only Pakistanis and that they come in all different colours and sizes and the fact that these norms from the good old days need to change.

Finally, thank you BBC for putting in a tokenistic white convert and an African Muslim. This was a great touch, as most mosques across the country now have at least 1 – 10 converts and more and more African Muslims attending the mosques regularly. They should not be seen as outsiders in mosques by those Sub Asian’s who think they are better than them. 

Well done and keep up with the good work. I think Adil Ray should get full marks for using his childhood and life experiences to such tremendous comic effect.

Damn....just realised this was a long rant :)